Ali Mc Donagh – Daphne’s Diary

Daphne’s Diary

By Ali Mc Donagh

If you are reading this, you have probably mistaken MY diary for your school book or your own diary. But it’s cool. I’ll just bore you with all these facts about me:
My name: Daphne Ali Mary Jordan. I’m 11, turning 12 on the 21st of April. I do gymnastics (very good at that!) and karate! I have an extremely annoying, bratty, self-obsessed sister called Lucy and a mean, cocky, thieving twin brother Joe. By the way my older sister is 14. She wears dewy foundation, clumpy mascara and tacky nail varnish. It makes her look like a Barbie doll! I know when I’m 14 I’ll let my true beauty shine out! (until I’m 15-16 at least!)
I hate mornings. It’s like feeding time at the zoo. My first sight is Lucy with half her makeup on because she can’t find her “deep cleanser”. Some people get to see puppies, babies, pretty clothes but me? I get to see my half painted sister! After that beautiful scene, I get tackled by Mario Balotelli or also known as my brother! I wish I had a red card but I get interrupted by “Kids! Breakfast!!!” I sit down to the table and…SPLILLAGE ON AISLE ONE! Dad’s porridge has a little accident and splats all over my diary. Time passes on and I practise my splits but while I’m in mid split, Joe comes in with his hurl and while “taking the free” he chops down on our tiles and BANG! Pain! Agony all rushing through. Joe chops on my ankle (ouch!) while the rest of my foot floors him and he lands face flat on hardy shiny tiles while I fall over on to my back slamming it down. But not just on my back, my head whacks off the chair and then it bounces off my tummy. So you could say we’re even in our injuries. Mom’s urgent cry, “Kids are ye ok?” Dad’s “Joe you know NO hurls inside!” and Lucy’s “Ha ha! The clown show on tiles! And Daf nobody wants to see your dorky gymnastics!” Unfortunately, I’m writing this down in A&E at 11 o’clock when I should be eating my lunch, with Joe beside me with probably a broken nose and bruised body and me with a likely sprained ankle and a tender tummy and my mom thinking “Am I raising my family right???”
So I sit here watching boys swap Match Attaxs. Look at girls make cards for the teacher ( A.K.A wanna be teacher’s pets!) and other people on the computers. But these people aren’t any normal people, well most of the time they’re not! It’s like they’re an angry mob coming to steal this precious jewel, the computer, that can only be taken on Tuesday at 11:10 for 15 minutes or 1:25 for 10 minutes .At least I get longer time when it’s my day! I Guess it’s not just them, it’s the fact that I sit close to the computers. So I’m an easy target. There are some advantages and disadvantages about sitting at the back I guess ……….. GRRR! I just got the down part just as I was casually putting away my diary (so no one would notice!) My head just got used as a sliotar and Mark was the hurl. Mark is one of the computer freaks. As he was late walking back to his seat he was in such a rush he pushed my head into the leg of the table. Once again GRRR!!!!!!!!!
Huh! You’d think a person with a sprained ankle would have a sleep in but no! I got woken up by the lovely noise of Joe exclaiming “But mom, please! I have to go to soccer training I feel way better now!” Mom’s reply wasn’t what Joe was quite hoping for! “No Joe you’re not going . With all the running you’ll be crippled up like an old granny! And if you get knocked down by one of those slide tackles or whatever you kids call them, your nose will probably fall off!!!!” Joe tried to make a second plee but I don’t think it was going to happen! “Mom, please!” Mom ended it up with a final…… “No buts Joe!” You know when your parent says “No buts!” it’s the last straw. The end. Case closed! But luckily I haven’t experienced a “No buts” situation. (Not yet anyways!) But Joe and Lucy have a good few times in fact! When I become famous people will make a movie about me and my past life and they’ll use my diary, for help. In the movie there will be video clips of these “No buts” times. But if these people are silly and don’t make a movie I’ll put them in. Lucy’s main “no buts” time was……. It was a Friday night and mom said if Lucy got all her homework done she could go to Club L. But knowing Lucy she didn’t do it so she lied and said “yeah mom all done chat yeah later bye!” So mom foolishly believed her and later on that night she stumbled, actually stumbled, across her homework and saw that it was not done. She rang her up and Lucy was “surprisingly” coming home. And she didn’t, she went home with her friend Rachel. When she got back the next day mom said some stern adult words (that I can’t put in my diary because it will be turned into a movie!) and to wrap it up “no buts!”
Joe’s main “no buts” moment was humorous! It was Joe’s first soccer final and he only had one kit. And he had training the next morning so he couldn’t get it dirty even though he was playing. He got tackled and the pitch was very muddy and he got all of his left side wet and dirty. In the middle of it all mom shouted out “No buts Joe we had a deal!” It was an embarrassing time for him! After that argument Lucy barged in the door and jumped on to the bed. And since I have a sprained ankle it hurt like Lucy trying to sing. And that’s unimaginably painful! She accused me of stealing her clothes. Why would I steal her clothes? If anything I’d be doing her a favour so I’d be getting teased for wearing stupid clothes instead of her!!!
Hmmm another day survived! I wonder what the weekend will bring for me????

Ali Mc Donagh 6th Class,
Killeen NS, Killeen,
Co. Galway

One response to “Ali Mc Donagh – Daphne’s Diary”

  1. Paddy and Josephine Brogan says :

    Congratulations Ali. This is brilliant.

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